Monday, November 11, 2013

A Veteran Re: Veteran's Day.

From a veteran who is not often heard, a veteran who is, like too many, not often allowed to speak his truth:

Happy Fucking Veterans Day.

This is not really a rant... or a rave. But fuck if I know where to post it and I need to let loose a bit.

Two tours, both Iraq and Afuckingahnistan and as I sit in the bar with my beer plotting of all the bullshit I have been through in my still relatively young life... trying to think of why the fuck am I still here... yes I have my meds... my psychiatrist and psychologist and been going to the VA for a few years now... and still nothing... I wake up every day going "Shit, I woke the fuck up... I guess I have to make it another day, how many more does it take" No I am not suicidal I have a family that loves me and I would never do that to them... they are honestly what keeps me alive each day (so thank you!) I have bottles of pills spread throughout my house... anti depressants, anti anxiety, sleep meds, pain meds, muscle relaxers, those little blue ones to take that I forgot what they are for.... FML this is what it takes to get through the day I'm still in my 20s! Yes I have a small group of friends and my brothers I served with that I slowly loose contact with each day. I see all these restaurants offering free meals to veterans and I look at it as my fucking god who the fuck could stand to go into a crowded restaurant I can't even walk through a walmart to get bread without wanting to bash someones head in... so it will be another drunken weekend followed by another week at home.... alone thinking why the fuck am I here.... what if I would have enjoyed turning 19, 20, or 21 at home in this fucking country? would my life be different? what if I would have went to a major university? What if I would have followed my fucking dreams? where would I have been.... but instead I go to sleep tonight thinking shit... what if I wake up tomorrow.... what will I do to get through the day? or worse yet... if I don't wake up how long before someone finds me? fuck my life and fuck these god damn holidays.... so shake a veterans hand that fucking advertises "hey I never left the base!" and ignore the drunk sitting in the corner wondering why the fuck I made it another year?

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