Thursday, May 03, 2012

Instead It's the Shocked Look

You know what's annoying?

When you open the door for the Fed Ex guy and, sans any greeting, he immediately shoves the hard signature pad at you -- no, not at you: at your breasts. And as he ogles your breasts from three feet away, despite nearly injuring them, geez, he keeps moving the signature pad around as you're trying to sign because he's in such a rush he won't let go of it, and is busy ogling. And of course your signature doesn't come out clearly; half your energy is concentrated on preventing him from ramming the signature pad into your breasts, which you know would prompt you to whack him with it, only to be vilified as some "crazy woman."

"Honey," you say instead, "you have to stop moving this thing around for me to sign it clearly." As you are signing the signature pad for the second time, you're about halfway through a signature you can actually read when he starts to grab it away again. "I can't sign this when you move it. And it's a little annoying." By then, though, grabby has taken back full possession of the signature pad and is looking all shocked that you've dared comment, whereas you might be wondering where the apology for almost bashing your breasts repeatedly while leering at them is, but instead it's the shocked look of who does she think she is, a person?, and there's nothing to do but slam the door on t-shirt & shorts ensemble in 56 degree weather as he scampers down the stairs.

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