Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I'm With Her

Sunday, July 24, 2016


Thoughts on my Thirties

I'm not doing it on purpose, but my experience of being in my 30s seems to differ from what I hear heralded as positive or typical or negative. For instance, I like the generation of younger people labeled millennials. I liked my 20s better and no, not because I was partying, tho I could write a field guide or two.

I like myself and my thoughts and the way I feel inside better in my 30s. It's been a more internal, at times solo experience. Even the men I've loved in my 30s have been more introverted.

My focus is more on the future and I've learned I'm more of an optimist than I thought. I've re-learned that I get along well with people older than me, too.

I've had this entire decade with my cat, who defies conventions about cats, some of which are easy to defy since they're based on stupid stereotypes, others of which make him even more magical to me. I have less interest in, or tolerance for, unkindness, or sexist crap. In this vein, I have had more harm done to me by men alleging to be my friends than any man I've ever dated.

I'm fortunate to have been well loved by well men, another reality I've become more cognizant of here in my 30s.

I don't care what an outlier it makes me, the idea of giving up my last name is offensive and bizarre and I won't do it. Any kids I have or adopt will bear my last name.

Here in my 30s, what is the deal with moaning about being old or single or this or that in a country where the average life expectancy is 78.74 years? I'm not talking about talking about frustration, but the complaining, as if we have failed or been failed and maybe we have but now we must what? Return ourselves to the factory where we were made? Get a receipt for more time?

There's only going on, even with stalling.

I plan to live 'til I'm at least 95--No. Make that 101.

still waiting

I'm glad Obama and Bush et al. attended the memorial service in Dallas for those murdered officers.

I wish they had and would do the same for all of these murdered unarmed citizens. It should not be seen as an indictment of all police to be horrified by police shootings.

I expect the police to be horrified, too.
(I mean, talk about the coworker from hell)

And, better still, to show it instead of phasing right into straw man defensive mode.

I think we need to treat and pay our police better, too, including having our taxes go toward covering their uniforms and equipment. When I was doing a lot of freelance reporting, I tried to advocate for better policies toward officers and wanted to interview some officers, even after they grilled me regarding my intentions, showing they know very little about journalism in the process, which would have been fine; I don't expect them to be experts in anyone's field but their own, as with anyone else (I grant cops no magical powers or hero status, though I appreciate good cops a lot--so, yes, as with anyone else: they are part of the community, no matter how much some departments or bad actors may choose to stand apart from the community).

What didn't feel fine was the condescension or their paranoia, which was way out of bounds, given that a) I'm unarmed b) They have the public's trust and c) I'll most likely be branded a liar no matter what I do and d) Something about how they could easily frame most citizens, and otherwise abuse them: hey, now there's tape. I said my piece and gave a little reassurance, but there's only so much time and energy a writer who is not only not having uniform or equipment covered, but also not being paid (read: on spec), can offer to men with fake names, who then take to insulting her using her real full name on the Internet. Of course the thread no longer exists.

But in print, they decided I had a liberal or somehow negative agenda, a preconceived conclusion they had set out to prove to themselves & did. So, that sucked, i.e., being called mean names and menaced online by grown, armed men who, facts being facts, my tax dollars support, and I don't really want to work in that area anymore as a writer or a woman; too much risk. And yes, it brought to light some truths for me that I just can't discard, nope.

And through all this, through these years that can grind, still waiting for the focus on male violence that we need in this country