Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Jesus Camp: The Movie

Some highlights and "points of interest:"

"They [children] are so usable in Christianity," Pastor Becky Fischer, Pentecostal children's minister

"We have -- excuse me! -- but we have the truth! We've got to stand up and take back the land!" - Pastor Fischer, accompanied in the documentary's opening by children whooping and crying out for war while adorned in literal war paint

Forty three percent of Evangelicals are "born again" before the age of 13.

Quote from a video dismissing the big bang theory: "Did we come from a gob of goo? I don't think so."

"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who love Jesus and those who don't."

"Warlocks are enemies of God; had it been in the Old Testament, Harry Potter would have been put to death!" - Pastor Becky Fischer

LEWIS BLACK [outtake from the Larry King show]: "You know, I'm Jewish. We -- it's our book. The Old Testament is ours. It's ours. It's not theirs. It's our book. The Christians, the book wasn't good enough for the Christians, was it, Larry?

No. They said no. This book isn't good enough for us. We've got a better book with a great new character. You're going to love this guy. And so it's our book. So let us -- if you want to know, if the Evangelical Christians really want to understand what's in the book, you know, ask us. We're everywhere."

Pastor Fischer: "Unlike McDonald's, this is not about how fast you can go through the drive-thru; you need to stay in the pot - let him simmer you in the Holy Ghost!...Take these prophecies and do what the Apostle Paul said: Make war with them! This means war! This means war! Are you a part of it or not?"

"You're not just a piece of protoplasm -- whatever that is," said one male Evangelical speaker wearing a red "LIFE" T-shirt, which matched the red LIFE stickers later secured over the children's mouths. "You look great with that tape over your mouth!" he added.

Colorado Springs has the greatest concentration of Evangelical Christians in the country.

"If you use any of this, I'll sue you," Ted Haggard, who meets with George W. Bush every week, to the camera (after granting permission for filming). "It's massive warfare every day. Let the battle begin!"

Haggard advising a burgeoning child preacher after the above speech: "Use your cute kid thing until you're 30 and then you'll have good content."


Blogger John Doheny said...

Well, I don't think Pastor Ted is meeting with G. Dub these days, unless the meetings are 'under the table.' *cough*

In the words of the immortal Rompin Ronnie Hawkins,"I don't have a problem with God. It's his fuckin ground crew that drives me nutz."

12:04 PM  
Blogger Haze Ablaze said...

Quoting the documentary on the meetings - and everything else. I mean, come on, Harry Potter would merely be whipped, not "put to death." Sheesh.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Thrace said...

That movie severely traumatized Stephanie. I knew what I was getting into on the front end.

Every line in that flick is comedy gold to me.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Haze Ablaze said...

I know! The best part is how seriously they take themselves.

7:33 PM  

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