Thursday, November 01, 2012

2. Re: Online Dating

Happy Halloween!

Oh, look: a message from one of the dating sites I keep an active profile at, fruitless as that is, because I live in NYC, which has been--in unfortunate contrast to hmm, any other place I've ever lived as an adult--an utter dating desert.

Psst, NYC? I'm thinking it's you, not me.

I'm loathe to be rediscovered by this gent, who certainly strikes me as an active self-Googler, so I will just say here that his user name is given as: "That God Place In the Sky" Echo. Since he's modest and all. My only hope may be that someone really is saving me a seat in hell.

I guess my thesis question regarding whichever avatar male's photo is now all up on my in-box has become simply: Is this a functional adult?

After a while, that Internet bar falls, which one might argue could be an intentional managing down of expectations on the part of guys like this, who I have a hard time believing are all either dumb, socially clueless and/or man children, with the last one being the least appealing for reasons I hope are obvious. And my guess is "That God Place In the Sky" Echo falls into this category.

A part of me, a part of me that enjoys the strange and can get me into trouble when not kept in check, wants to go out with him just to see if he shows up in green face or just with green hands. Does he change the color every day? Did he date a woman who was only turned on by men in paint? I feel like he'd be in all spandex, probably coordinated with the face paint, and leaping around pretending to be his favorite superhero, at which point he'll have relegated most women to seeing him as The Mighty Eunuch.

Is it so hard to just say "Hi, I'm Steve; this is my face?" Do I need, in the middle of the latest global warming fiasco, to get an email asking me questions about Buddhism? Where did a guy get the idea that asking to see more of my photos was appealing? What am I, a trading card? Then again, this is sort of how a good number of women roll on Facebook--no judgments, but that's not for me. And I do feel the one photo is adequate for use as masturbatory material by total strangers.

I attempted to respond to a conversation initiated by a fellow who goes by "Lays1" online, but after his initial hello, it never progressed--because he didn't respond with more than a few phrases in any of his three emails, with one language snippet acting as a half-assed date invite, aka, "Plans tonight?" I guess I was supposed to just be wowed by his phraseology, enough to go meet up with a total stranger I know nothing about. Obvious safety issues aside, what's in it for me? Am the "1" Lays1 thinks is up for some "lays" or is "lays1" being used to indicate he only "lays1" woman at a time, or is it being utilized as a noun, maybe referencing those crumbly, paper-thin potato chips?

Sorry, buddy; I'm an Utz girl.


Blogger Westley Todd Holiday said...

This is an incredible and funny blog entry--yet so true!! Such a fascinating look into the online dating world (especially in NYC)! People can send such mixed messages, yet want you to be open, straight forward and honest...even though you've never met them in person. Or you may never meet them! I STILL though, think there is hope to be had in online dating. It just takes patience and a whole lot of sifting through the "masks"...literally and figuratively. By the way, I'm more of a Doritos or SunChips kind of "call me maybe"!

9:13 PM  
Blogger Haze Ablaze said...

Haha, and thank you. The odd thing is right after I write the line "Is it so hard to just say 'Hi, I'm Steve; this is my face?'" I get a message from a normal-seeming man from (not living in, from :) BK named...Steve. BK men as NYC's saving grace (for yours truly) will be the next entry in this series, with or without Steve.

6:50 AM  

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